Therapist Confession #2: We Don’t Have It All Figured Out Either

A common theme in therapy is self-care—finding time to take care of yourself despite life’s constant demands. I talk about it with clients all the time, especially parents juggling work, kids, and never-ending responsibilities. In theory, it sounds simple. In reality? Not so much.

Right now, I’m in a season of life where time is my most limited resource. Between running a growing private practice, having three young kids (two in activities), maintaining a marriage, and serving in the National Guard, carving out time for myself is hard. Most of my personal time has to happen before everyone else wakes up. But when it’s dark and cold, staying under the covers often feels like the better option than exercising or reading.

There’s a misconception that therapists have it all figured out. That because we teach coping skills, we must always apply them effortlessly in our own lives. But the truth is, it’s easy to give advice from the therapist’s chair—it’s much harder to implement when you’re in the thick of stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm. I remind clients all the time, this stuff is hard to do, even for me.

I often see myself in my clients. There have been so many times when I’ve sat across from someone describing their stress and thought, Wow, this sounds familiar. It’s validating to realize I’m not the only one navigating these struggles, and I hope my clients feel the same way.

So how do I manage? Routine. My wife is the first to notice when I’m off balance, and when she says, Why don’t you go for a run? I know it’s time to reset. I’ve also learned that, as much as I love fixing problems, true connection happens when I let people support me rather than trying to handle everything alone. And yes—therapists go to therapy (or at least, we should!). It helps us stay grounded, process what we carry, and keep showing up for others.

At the end of the day, I don’t have it all figured out. But what I do know is that being a therapist is an incredible privilege. I’m constantly amazed by my clients’ resilience, strength, and hope. I get a front-row seat to their stories, and that’s something I don’t take for granted.