Therapist Confession #4: We aren’t immune to struggles

We Sometimes Want to Respond with ‘Same’

As a therapist, it’s common for me to hear clients describe struggles that feel painfully familiar. Moments when they open up about their challenges — whether it’s juggling parenting, dealing with work stress, or feeling disconnected in their relationships — and I think, “I get it. I’m right there with you.” There are times when I’m ready to blurt out, “Same,” because, let’s be real, the challenges of life don’t just apply to our clients. We’re all navigating the same human experiences.

There have been many moments during sessions where a client describes something that resonates with me deeply, especially when they’re raising young children or struggling with their identity and purpose. In these instances, I notice a visceral reaction in my body. A kind of shared experience, a deep understanding. In those moments, if it feels appropriate and could benefit the client, I’m willing to open up and share a part of my own story. But let’s be clear — balancing professionalism with authenticity can be incredibly difficult.

I don’t want to be the therapist who simply checks boxes or remains sterile in my approach. There’s a constant tension inside me, a struggle to figure out how much of “me” can truly be a part of the space I hold for my clients. Over the years, I’ve grappled with the feeling that part of me is forced to stay outside of the room while I’m in session. It’s a personal battle — one I’m still working through. How do I bring my full, authentic self into the room while maintaining the clinical process and boundaries that are so important?

At times, sharing my own experiences, when appropriate, has proven to be incredibly beneficial for the client. I’ve had several clients express genuine surprise when I reveal that I, too, struggle with things like managing my emotions around my kids, feeling anxious about current events, or slipping into patterns of disconnection with my wife. When I vocalize my own challenges, it can create an unspoken connection — one where the client realizes they’re not alone in their struggles. Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands and has experienced similar difficulties can be a huge relief.

Feeling Stretched, Yet Still Showing “I Got This”

For many of us, especially those juggling the pressures of work, family, and other commitments, feeling stretched thin has become the norm. The truth is, I can relate to this more than I like to admit. I’ve often found myself in the mindset of “I’ve got this” — the belief that I must solve the problems on my own, handle it all, and keep it together for everyone around me. This sense of independence and self-sufficiency has become a default way of functioning for me.

But here’s the thing: it hasn’t worked. Over the years, I’ve realized that constantly maintaining control isn’t the path to success or happiness. In fact, it often leads to burnout and feeling disconnected from the people I care about most. I’ve had to become more comfortable admitting that I have limits — and more importantly, to let others in. It’s a humbling process to say, “I need help,” but it’s a necessary one.

Allowing those I trust — my wife, friends, and colleagues — to support me has been one of the most liberating things I’ve done. It’s not a sign of weakness, as I once believed, but a healthy acknowledgment of being human. Letting go of that tight grip on the wheel and allowing others to step in and help me has, in turn, created space for stronger connections. It has helped me realize that vulnerability and collaboration are not weaknesses, but rather tools that can help us better manage life’s stress and the many demands we face.

What Happens When We Say “Same”

I think a lot about how much better the world could be if we embraced our shared humanity. When we allow ourselves to relate to others on a real, personal level — especially in therapy — it’s not about giving the “right” response or maintaining a façade of being perfectly put together. It’s about connection. Sometimes, responding with “Same” can be a powerful moment of mutual understanding. And that’s something that goes beyond therapy; it’s something we can all apply in our everyday relationships.

There’s so much pressure in the world today — from work to family to social expectations. We’re expected to be “on” all the time, to maintain a polished exterior, and to handle everything that comes our way. But here’s the truth: we don’t always have it figured out. We’re all in this together, and acknowledging that is a form of strength, not weakness.